Dennis. Nom nom stuff.
I believe it will be your celebration day?

There are bright lights everywhere, brighter than usual. I do not understand - what is the point of this ‘Christmas’?

They’re stealing my chair…

Constantly people in this household seem to be stealing my chairs! I slept on the computer chair earlier this morning and got moved immediately. I tried to sit on one of the sofas and got yelled at by the man. Nothing can seem to be going well at this moment in time.

There seems to be nothing here.

That is because the human girl which writes my words on this computer onto a strange screen has been a lazy little bugger. Pardon my language, but I do believe my words need to be spoken to the world - Sir Dennis has spoken!

Or typed, I’m not positive about the function of this.

The computer girl has created a playlist for me.

Apparently it consists of the following:

Cartoon Heroes - Aqua

Gay Bar - Electric Six

Livin’ La Vida Loca (Shrek 2 Version)

Bird Song - Florence and the Machine

Beware of the Dog - Jamelia

Nyan Cat

The Numa Numa song

I’m Blue - Eiffel 65

Fireflies - Owl City

I Can’t Decide - Scissor Sisters

Candyman - Aqua

Butterfly (DDR)

Black and Gold

Bump in the Night - AllStars

Forget You - Cee Lo Green

Organ Toccata - J.S. Bach

I personally find this playlist delightful. It fulfills all of my musical needs.

My plans will soon be set in motion.

I have instructed the human in the house who keeps throwing catnip balls at me whilst I am asleep to post this during the day as I have written it during the time in which all of the humans are asleep.

Recently I have been sleeping a lot more than usual - or at least this is what the humans believe - but actually this is a ruse to hide the fact that I have been concocting a plot to keep the enemy at bay.

Yes! I have in fact created a plan to make the cats get out of my territory (and hopefully to never come into it again!)

I will (If the translator arrives to help me converse with the humans) tell my owners of this brilliant plan. I might even tell you readers of this blog.

In fact, I think I will!

I have decided that lasers should be mounted onto the fence surrounding the garden that will detect Cat DNA that is not my own. The cat’s that are dissolved thanks to the lasers may in fact die and their owners will be sad, but that is the price to pay for bringing such evil pussies into this world (Hohoho euphaism~)

I shall also, now and again, engage the lasers to attack the birds that constantly evade my capture. They taunt me so.

This plan is brilliant, and if it weren’t for my lack of opposable thumbs I would most certainly do it myself.

En guard!

I don’t speak French so I’m not sure if I’ve spelled that correctly. I heard a human say it once and understood it’s meaning perfectly. However, since that damned creator (or it may be evolution stabbing me in the back again) still hasn’t allowed me to posses opposable thumbs, I cannot pick up a epee, foil or sabre and challenge someone to a fencing match.

I can however, scare those good for nothing pussy cats that enter into my realm and try to take my stuff!!

That Sandy was out there today. Sniffing around the plants - I can tell he wants them for himself. He’s so afraid of the humans as well. A definite scaredy-cat if you pardon the pun (Hohoho~!).

One of the humans pulled me out of my nap just to scare him from the patio doors. She must of been terrified of him. I’m glad I saved her from the sickening turmoil of Sandy’s presence.

You can thank me all later. I was a hero today after all.

There are birds in the garden again.

Perhaps if I make myself really rather small and just growl a little at them through the patio doors they’ll let me catch them for once. They look most tasty.